Don’t ask me how; I don’t even know, but somehow I came across a poem that disgusted me, so now you have to see it and be disgusted too..

There is so much wrong with this, I don’t know where to begin. I suppose we could start with the title…

IF ADAM PICKED THE APPLE…

T’wern’t no apple so far as we know, but I’ll let it slide on account of poetic license.

The bulk of the poem, and really its second-biggest crime (after its unimaginable blasphemy) is the way it makes false assumptions about the forbidden fruit. Essentially, it makes God a liar and the Devil a truth-teller, saying that the tree of knowledge was really about enlightenment and not about taking one’s spiritual law into their own hands. It argues that if a man had sinned first, then men—who write the history—would have reframed the narrative to be one where the deed was actually a good thing, but since it was a woman who sinned first, man has framed it as a rebellious and evil act. If man had sinned first, we would celebrate it with feasts, parties, and songs. But since it was Eve, the evil patriarchy must pooh-pooh it!

The end of the poem is the worst of it all, as it doesn’t try to imagine a pretend, alternate-history. Instead, it seeks to summarize the actual history, and does so in a grossly unBiblical way…

But it was Eve who grew bored, weary of her captivity in Eden. And a woman’s desire for freedom is rarely a cause for celebration.

That’s how this godless feminist author believes the fall of humanity went down. “It was all because a woman was bored being a captive housewife in the Garden. She yearned for freedom and seized it for herself by eating the forbidden fruit. It should be celebrated but instead it is loathed.”

The first part of the poem assumes that the men who write the history would have celebrated Adam’s sin had he been the one to do it, instead of Eve. I suppose the author forgot the part where Adam also sinned by eating the fruit after his wife. I suppose, too, that the author forgot how the men who wrote the history pointed a gigantic finger at Adam, naming him one of the three co-equal culprits in the whole affair: Adam is guilty (Romans 5:17). Satan is guilty (Genesis 3:1). Eve is guilty (1 Timothy 2:14). Likewise, all three are dealt with by God through Jesus Christ. In Romans, Paul says that Adam was the son of God who opened the door to sin, but Jesus is the Son of God who closes that door. In Genesis, Satan is the subtle liar who manipulated humanity into sin, but God also promised a Savior who would crush his head and undo the damage he did in the Garden. As for Eve, that’s the most beautiful picture of all.

Listen to Paul…

And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing…

(1 Timothy 2:14-15a)

Paul reminds us that the first woman, Eve, sinned. She allowed herself to be deceived, and she indulged in sin. That’s history, regardless of who writes it. And yet, “she shall be saved in childbearing.” In other words, while it’s true that a woman’s sin doomed humanity, it’s also true that a woman gave birth to the Savior of humanity. The former moment in history is woman’s greatest dishonor. The latter moment in history is woman’s greatest honor.

What an ugly shame it is that some are so obsessed with railing against the patriarchy that they miss the point of it all. I make no apologies for pointing out that a woman helped bring sin into the world. Likewise, I will not stop rejoicing in the fact that another woman, Mary, brought the Savior into the world, too.

~Matthew