We had a good discussion last night in our LIFE Group Bible study. I’m grateful that our group has Caleb Gilmore leading us. He’s not just a great song leader, but a great teacher too. At the end of our discussion, we made some observations about forgiveness, and noted some things that went unsaid in the material. Specifically, we reflected on Jesus’ words in Luke 17…
Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him.
(Luke 17:3)
I think the Lord’s words are pretty clear: You do not have God’s permission to forgive someone who hasn’t asked for it. Instead, you have God’s commandment to go to that person who has wronged you and confront them about it (lovingly). In the meantime, before they repent: You love them. If they never seek your forgiveness, if they never repent, still, you love them. But even still, you cannot forgive them unless they repent.
Please don’t misunderstand: I am not condoning bitterness, resentment, vitriol, or cold shoulders against those who have wronged us. Such is not of Christ, who commands us to LOVE our enemies. I’m only saying that a lot of the sentiments people express when they talk about “forgiving those who haven’t asked for it” would be better defined as “love your enemies” more than “forgive.” My point is simply that we do our enemies a disservice if we just think to ourselves “they hurt me but I’ll forgive them” and then just… walk away.
How does that help?!
People who hurt us do not just hurt us. We are children of God. When they hurt us, they hurt our Lord (Acts 9:4). When they sin against us, they sin against God. If they wrong us, and we walk away and just “shake it off” we leave them in their sins. We leave them enemies of God. We not only do a disservice to them, but we disobey our Master, who commanded us to go to that person and rebuke them. We are commanded to inform them of their wrong and ask them to repent. And “if” they do, we are commanded to forgive them. If they do not, then they remain our enemies, and we are commanded to love them (Matthew 5:44) in spite of their stubborn and unforgiven state.
On the cross, Jesus famously said “Father forgive them…” (Luke 23:34). That prayer should be uttered by everyone who has ever been wronged. We should all echo our Master and pray that our enemies are forgiven. HOW are they forgiven? When they come to Jesus. Those at the foot of the cross, about whom Jesus asked the Father to forgive, they listened to Peter preach the Gospel, and some of them were forgiven (Acts 2:36-38, 41). Not all of them were forgiven, however. Many of them went on to threaten Peter and John (Acts 4:18), and murder Stephen (Acts 7). They remained enemies of Christianity, and yet the church continued to love them, even though they were not forgiven.
I suppose all I’m saying is: Instead of saying “I forgive them” when someone wrongs us, let’s say: “I am ready to forgive them.” That phrase compels us to be charitable, generous, patient, and inviting. Attitudes like that, which are proactive (whereas just saying “I forgive them” is passive), can have a powerful impact on our enemies. Who knows what good may come when hateful people are shown love. They might, in fact, be so overcome by love, that they repent and change and receive the forgiveness of God.
And after all, isn’t that, our ultimate goal for them?
~Matthew
Addendum: after writing this, I watched Charlie Kirk’s memorial, and saw his wife reference Jesus’ words from the cross. She also expressed feelings of forgiveness for the man who killed her husband. Far be it from me to play grammar stickler to someone under such duress and grief. This wasn’t written in response to her. That said, her beautiful sentiments expressed the notion of loving our enemies more accurately than they expressed the notion of forgiveness. Her word choice may have been incorrect but her heart was very Christ-like.
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PS: This Friday at 7pm is the beginning of our Gospel Meeting. Join us for an evening of worship and fellowship. You’ll be blessed!