Negative self-perception can be a significant struggle for many people. I can’t tell you how often I have counseled people struggling with how they view themselves. Most of the time, if they see themselves as inferior, less than, or defeated, it will reflect their relationships with others. Our inner voices speak to us about our appearance, how we parent, our intelligence, and our relationships, and if what we hear in our heads is negative, it can be damaging. Sometimes, this self-talk is also inflated and comes out as unwarranted pride, portraying oneself as the hero in every story, even when that’s not true. Whatever the case, both extremes are debilitating to how we interact with others.
So, how does this relate to marriage? In every way imaginable. How you think about yourself directly affects how your spouse experiences you, profoundly impacting your marriage.
Negative self-talk can make you anxious, insecure, frustrated, or lonely. Alternatively, it might make you self-centered or emotionally distant. None of these states create an environment where love can thrive or where you can effectively give or receive affection. A person overrun by such thoughts will struggle to show love, serve selflessly, or even accept love from their spouse.
Beyond how it impacts your relationships and marriage, there’s a deeper spiritual concern we should have. Negative voices can drown out God’s voice, leaving you disconnected from His truth. When you give merit to those inner criticisms, you can lose sight of who God says you are.
You don’t have to live this way. You can change your thoughts and transform your marriage. Imagine this scenario… a negative thought has just entered your mind, one that tears you down. Instead of allowing it to take root, remind yourself of this truth from Romans 8:15, “For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, “Abba! Father!”
Remember who you are? YOU ARE A CHILD OF GOD!
When you think about your identity as a child of God, it changes everything. You are loved, chosen, and accepted. This truth not only calms your mind and brings you peace but can also strengthen your marriage. When you are grounded in your status as a child of God, you can become a secure and confident spouse. This will bring stability, kindness, and grace into your relationships with others, especially your spouse.
Let me ask you this:
What is the last negative thought you had about yourself?
What would God, your loving Father, say to you in response?
Meditate on passages like Romans 8:6, “For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace…” This verse speaks of life and peace in the Spirit. Then there is Psalm 139:14, which says, “I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well.”
By replacing destructive thoughts with God’s truth, you renew your mind and create a marriage where love and connection exponentially grow. Your spouse will benefit from the version of you that remembers who you are a child of God!
In Christ alone,
Alex Mills