Last year I studied the writings of Jeremiah. This year my focus turns to the wisdom literature (Psalms, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, and Song of Solomon). I’m actually not starting that study until February, however. This month, I’m finishing a study book about parenting.
Just to be clear: I am, in no way, any sort of a parenting expert. In fact, I would feel grossly inadequate and even a little embarrassed to try and write such a book from the standpoint of “learn from my success.” The book I’m working on is not written from a high horse. It is written from the ditch. The book is not: “Do as I did.” It is: “Don’t make the same mistakes as me.”
Nevertheless, despite my inadequacies and my many failures as a dad, I feel compelled to write what I can. Despite there already being a plethora of books on the subject, I feel an unrelenting urge to add to the pile; the subject matter is so critical I don’t think there can be enough written on the topic.
There is a question every Christian parent needs to answer: How shall the young secure their hearts? Every parent has been blessed by God with a son or daughter, and every parent lives in a world hell-bent (and I mean that literally) on snatching that child away from God and locking that precious soul in Satan’s custody. Parents are the guardians of their children’s lives, not just their bodies, but their minds and their souls. Parents carry a tremendous weight of responsibility. It would be recklessly arrogant to think we can do it all ourselves without ever seeking help.
So, if we’re going to seek help, from where will it come? It would be a dereliction of duty for a parent not to appeal to the Bible for answers. Fortunately for us, the Bible not only has answers to our many parenting questions, but it is also abundant with good advice, dire warnings, practical considerations, and examples both to follow and steer clear from.
And what does the Bible say on the subject?
“Children obey your parents in the Lord. Parents bring up your children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:1, 4).
That’s parenting.
Children are to obey their parents, but that obedience is done through the prism of Divine obedience. They obey their parents because their parents are teaching them the way of God. Parents, on the other hand, are to teach their children, not only about God but like God. Parents must assume the role of “God” in the household, being the first practical impression a young mind will have of the all-powerful Judge. Their little minds can’t fathom the concept of an omnipotent, omnipresent, omniscient Being (our adult minds struggle with it, too!), but to a child, a parent is the closest thing to being all-powerful, all-knowing, and always around.
To that end, godly parenting must be done with the same kind of admonition that God gives His children (spanking them the way God spanks His children) and with the same spirit of nurturing that He gives them, too (hugging them the way God hugs His children). God is a parent. The parallels are not exact, but there is enough overlap that I—as a dad—can look to the Lord as a model for what kind of parent I should be. I can look through the Bible and find examples of how God dealt with His children.
Where to begin? Prep work.
Before your son ever decides if he is even going to like sports, you will have already bought him a bat, ball, and glove. Before your daughter ever picks out a favorite color, you will have her room decorated in an array of purples, yellows, and pinks. Before your children ever learn how to write their names, or even say their names, you will know their names. Parenting begins before you ever even start parenting.
It will be literal years before your children are old enough to recognize the fact that they depend on you for everything. Sure, a baby can learn that crying means mommy will come running to the crib, and a toddler can learn that saying please with big puppy dog eyes is a good way to get an extra french fry from your plate, but it won’t be until they’re a little older that they fully appreciate how little they can do, how much you can, and to what extent their lives depend on you not dropping the ball.
When you hold an infant child in your arms, their lives are entirely in your hands. At first, parenting just means “feeding, changing, bathing, rocking, cuddling,” and nothing else. Every now and then, you might pause and think about the expected challenges that will come down the line: Being bullied at school, trouble making friends, acting out, falling behind, anger issues, anxiety issues, etc. But those are years away. Right now, you only need to worry about “feeding, changing, bathing, rocking, cuddling,” and nothing else.
That’s what we think, but there’s more to it. Becoming a parent means accepting a responsibility that will stay with you, in one form or another, for the rest of your natural life. No endeavor so demanding should be undertaken without a proper foundation being laid.
What’s the foundation for parenting? What are the essential things a parent must do while the child is still fresh and new, before things get messy and complicated? What mindset should I have going into this lifelong endeavor? What’s the prep work for all this? There are three principles—derived from God—that we would do well to remember.
First, we must create a culture for our homes, an environment for our child’s development that is godly and enriching. This brings the child safety. Second, we must establish our authority over our homes, so that the child understands where the rules come from and who has final say. This brings the child stability. Finally, we must provide for the needs of our homes, because no matter how much they may grumble, complain, and disobey, it remains our responsibility to put food on their plate, and clothes on their back. This brings the child security.
The book I’m working on is divided into three parts. I’ll share more next week (focusing on the second part), and a final thought the week following. After that, I plan on teaching this material (in fact, co-teaching it with Shawn) as a Bible Class on Sunday mornings this summer.
Until then,
~Matthew