On December 21, 2000, Kira and I went on our first date. We have been together ever since, and boy, am I glad. That was almost 24 four years ago. We have worked together raising our kids and forming our family for most of those years. Someone recently just told me they can tell we are a team that works together in unity, and there is no way I will contest that. We work together on everything, especially kingdom work. 

However, the team we have formed comes with confrontation. When we face opposition from each other, other people, or situations out of our control, we try to find a resolution together. It’s not easy, and we have our weak moments, but for the most part, we try hard to keep the peace. 

One of the strategies of teamwork in marriage is that we try not to look for how each of us can win but how we can win together. Teamwork requires the whole team to win. When victory is in our grasp, we will do it together to the best of our ability. That’s the way a marriage should work. Paul writes, “Therefore if there is any encouragement in Christ, if there is any consolation of love, if there is any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and compassion, make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose. Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others” (Philippians 2:1-4). If each person in a marriage tries to live in the way Paul mentions how the church needs to get along and work together, then victory can be achieved. 

Too often, when counseling married couples, I see one party trying to win an argument or a fight. The problem with this mentality is that when one wins, the other loses. So, we encourage couples not to look for how one might win but how the relationship can win together. It does not always work out perfectly, so don’t get me wrong. We have our own mistakes and imperfections. But, if each person in the relationship seeks the other person’s interests, you might just find peace and unity in your marriage team. 

Let me encourage you to give this a try this week and see how it goes. I imagine your marriage relationship will improve because of your teamwork efforts. 

For the Lord, 

Alex